She Lost Her Way… But God Brought Her Back | Born Again Baddies Ep.1

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. Welcome to Born Again Baddies. I'm Vanessa Jones with my counterpart, Tara Tovar, and we are so happy to be here with you today. If you're watching us, please know that we've been praying for you. We believe you're here for a reason. We're building a community where you can find hope and healing and maybe even some humor through our experiences. Today's first episode is going to be a little Q and A, what you guys asked for, and I will be the first one on the stand, so pray for me. And with no further ado, we will have Tara open up our first episode with a prayer. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Dear Lord, me and Vanessa are very grateful that you've chosen us at this time and place to be vessels for your word. Thank you for letting this little brainchild that is the podcast come to fruition in our lives, and we hope to glorify your name, and that is our mission with this podcast. We hope that even if it's just one person that gets touched by this, that you would leave the 99 to find that one. We know that is your character and that is who you've told us that you are. And we pray that you continue to bless us as we share your word in our testimonies. And we pray that you bless whoever is watching today, whether they be saved or not, that they would grow closer to you and to know you and your character. And we bless this podcast. In this space. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Amen. Beautiful. Thank you, Tara. That was perfect. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:01:43] Speaker A: We're here. We're doing it. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:46] Speaker A: How you feeling? [00:01:48] Speaker B: A little surreal. We've been talking about doing this for a long time, and it's at our doorstep, and that's a little strange and exciting and scary and all the things. [00:01:57] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely emotional, too. Emotional. Like you just said in the prayer, that God would trust us. This is a big responsibility. [00:02:06] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. And we don't take that lightly. For sure. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:11] Speaker B: So how has your day been so far? [00:02:14] Speaker A: It's been crazy. I know we said earlier, but the enemy has been trying to keep us from doing that, doing this, doing this podcast. I think that has been so evident to both of us over the past few weeks, especially the nearer we've gotten to this. So many things to try to shake our. Our faith, our confidence, our ability to do this, and we're here anyway, and I think that's kind of foreshadowing of what we can experience in today's culture and doing a podcast of this nature. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. It's Definitely a little bit taboo nowadays. And I feel really lucky that, as women, we live in a country where we're free to get on a podcast and talk about freedom of, you know, religion and. [00:03:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:02] Speaker B: And to share Christ. That's huge. And there's so much weight to that. And I'm just so, like, we're so blessed that we live in a time where that's okay. [00:03:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:13] Speaker B: And once again, we don't take that lightly at all, so. And I'm really privileged to be able to do it with you. [00:03:19] Speaker A: Me, too. [00:03:20] Speaker B: You. So today we're going to do some Q and A, and it's going to be focused on little miss Vanessa. We're going to try to have different subject matters come up, but we wanted you guys to be able to get to know us a little bit before we just jump into having guests and all the other things that we're going to dive into later on in the podcast so that, you know, a little bit of our hearts and where we come from and. And some of our testimony that we can share. So, like I said, today is going to be Vanessa's. I'm going to be asking some questions that we had pulled from our Instagram. We left, like, little question boxes, and some of these questions are from friends, family, and then followers on there. So if you hear your question come up, that's fun. And we'll answer it for you today. And then, yeah, like I said, this episode will be focused on Vanessa's kind of walk and testimony and some of the things that we wanted to ask her. [00:04:24] Speaker A: But don't worry, we'll pick on Tara next episode. [00:04:27] Speaker B: Yes. Yep. I will be picked on in time. But, yeah. So you want to dive right in and do your first question. [00:04:33] Speaker A: No better time than now. [00:04:35] Speaker B: Okay. So my first question for you is, how were you before God was dear life? And how are you after God has been in your life? [00:04:42] Speaker A: That is such a big question right off the bat. I think it's really important to start with the beginning. I am from a Christian family, so I've always identified as a Christian, which is really important to note, especially seeing some of the chapters I've been through in my life. [00:05:03] Speaker B: I actually didn't know that about you. [00:05:04] Speaker A: Yeah. So born and raised into a Christian family, but we were what I like to call Sunday Christians. So we showed up to church on Sunday inconsistently, and we did the thing. We wore nicer clothes, we attended the service, we talked with people, and we went home. And the rest of those six days of the week was Addiction and poverty and abuse and that, you know, as a child, I had such big faith in God. There was even little jokes, like with my family. We would play Yahtzee and I'd be like, jesus, give me a Yahtzee of sixes. And I would literally roll sixes, like, or whatever. It was like I was just doing things all the time because I just truly believed in all my heart, with all my heart in Jesus. And then as I grew up, I started to see the hypocrisy in the church. We never really fit in. And I think part of that, like, within the church body, we never really fit in. I think part of that was the inconsistency again, of not just being with one church body for years and years, but even the churches that we had been to for years. We just weren't really a part of, like, the. In group. We, we were poor, we weren't dressed nicely, we didn't have a nice car. We couldn't contribute a lot to things in a secular way. And I think that's to note because I think a lot of people can resonate with this experience of not fitting in at church and feeling judged at church. Yeah. [00:06:45] Speaker B: And feeling like that's not where you're. You should be. [00:06:47] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. [00:06:48] Speaker B: Just because everyone, you know, puts on the suit and tie and the squeaky clean look. And that's not what Christianity is about at all. It's actually the opposite. [00:06:56] Speaker A: It's the opposite. But on the other side of that, that, that's what the church is for. It's for broken people. And so I want to encourage anybody who is in a church like that where they're not feeling welcome, they're not feeling accepted. Keep searching for a church because there's a church home for everybody and have grace that people are broken within the church and you're going to run into that kind of stuff. [00:07:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Little side note, there is somebody listening that I know has reached out to us on our Instagram that is wanting us to pray because he is feeling like he can't find his church home and questioning some stuff. So we just want him to know that we will be praying for him. I'm not going to do any name drops because it's not. It's not really needed. But you know who you are and. Yeah, we'll just know that we'll be praying for you. [00:07:48] Speaker A: So we love those prayer requests. So keep them coming. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:07:52] Speaker A: Okay. Add on display right now. Let's get back to it. [00:07:56] Speaker B: I did that to throw you for a Loop. [00:07:57] Speaker A: Right. Emily, where did we start here? Who was I before God? So that was childhood into adolescence. Adolescence is so hard anyway, but you start to question everything. And again, started to see the hypocrisy and started to really just lose my identity in Christ and who I. Who he says I am. And so I started to feel worthless and really trying to live for the world. And that created a new chapter in my life where I began living the very generational curses that made me feel so unworthy. This is. This is vulnerable. So. [00:08:47] Speaker B: If you need them. [00:08:48] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:08:49] Speaker B: Those are there for us. [00:08:50] Speaker A: They are. There's gonna be a lot of tears. Feel free to cry with us. Yeah. So I began, you know, sleeping around. [00:08:58] Speaker B: Was this about, like, puberty age? [00:09:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. So not quite till high school age, but yeah, late adolescence, young adulthood. I began just sleeping around, having sex in hopes to feel loved, the things I was missing in my life. Began smoking weed all the time. That kind of morphed into abusing Adderall in my young twenties. Being super materialistic. Just wanting to live that secular life and even making an attempt at my life at one point. [00:09:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Because I really felt so unworthy and unloved and so unsure of my purpose on earth and why I was here. And so that kind of all came to a head in 2017. So I guess we'll segue into who was I after? Jesus. I lived years like that. Years just trying to fill this void in me, this big Jesus shaped puzzle piece in my soul that I tried to fill with so many different things that just could never possibly fill that void. [00:10:15] Speaker B: And even if it does, it's so temporary. [00:10:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. [00:10:19] Speaker B: It's so fleeting. And it can feel like that for five or 10 minutes or a couple days or whatever it is, and then it's empty right back again. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:28] Speaker A: So thank you for that reprieve. Run away from my tears for a moment. In 2017, I got out of a super toxic relationship and I had actually eloped with this man and nobody even knew that was something. [00:10:44] Speaker B: This is a few years after high school. [00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I graduated in 2011, so it was a while after it was 22, 3 at this point. So it really just. Most of my early 20s, just in this haze of just feeling lost and. [00:11:03] Speaker B: Sex, drugs and alcohol, all the things. [00:11:05] Speaker A: Yeah, anything to feel something. And so I found myself in this super, super toxic relationship. I had multiple of those in a row. They were always toxic because that's what I knew, you know? And yeah, we had eloped, smoking Weed. He was the one who introduced me to Adderall. And my life was just spiraling. My worth was so codependent on what this person thought and felt about me on any given day, which obviously was subject to drastic changes. And he ended up leaving me and moved in and moved on with another girl before our, our divorce was even finalized. And so in that same season, I ended up breaking both feet. Just a crazy plot twist there. So I had broken one foot. And at this point I'm a single mom. I had my daughter Chevy, who's the love of my existence. Anyway, so I was a single mom and I had broken one foot. And then trying to take care of a year old baby by myself, I had landed wrong on the other foot that wasn't casted and found myself in a wheelchair alone and depressed. And I think God gives us our perfect, beautiful babies. And she was my tether to anything beautiful in this life and world. So I just kept strong for her, but it was falling apart. And I ended up finding an old Bible at my dad's house, which, you know, but my dad's my person, always has been. And I opened this Bible up just randomly, just split it open down the middle and just directly made eye contact with this verse. And it was Proverbs 17:22. And it said, a broken spirit dries the bones, but a merry heart does good like medicine. And you know, if you had asked me, if anybody had asked me during those years of abusing drugs and sleeping around and doing all the things, I would have said I believe in God and I would have identified myself as a Christian. But in that moment, I knew God was speaking to me. I knew that I was broken mentally, spiritually, physically, literally with my feet. And that he was telling me my spirit was broken and that I needed him. And so that began my journey of making my way back to God. I think this part is really important to expound upon because I think there's, you know, there's this idea misconception that you give your heart to Jesus, you make this beautiful choice, the biggest choice you're ever going to make in your life, and suddenly everything is fixed and different and better and it's not. [00:14:10] Speaker B: Yep, so true. [00:14:12] Speaker A: So that began years process of changing everything that I had decided was my identity. And God just lovingly pruned it away and built in me this confidence and knowledge of who I am in feeling loved and worthy for the first time in my life. [00:14:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Can I ask a couple questions based on that question for people that are kind of in that. That same part of their life right now. Like the wandering soul, we'll call it. How do you recommend that they start to make their way back to Jesus? Is it just through reading His Word, finding a church? What. What do you think is the best avenue to go for that? For people? [00:15:00] Speaker A: I think that might be unique to anybody's walk. I think both of those faith comes through hearing the Word. Right. And we need to be exposed and diving into the Word, and we need a church body. But I would tell those people to ask God to pray, to start with a prayer and say, God, please make yourself real to me. Please speak to me. I am lost. I'm confused. I'm hurting. I'm alone. I don't even know if you're real, but if you are, please make yourself real to me, because that's how I started. And I know. I know we're not supposed to ask God to do things for us like that, but I promise he will. Oh, yeah. He will show up for you, meet you where you are, and he will meet you right where you are and make Himself real to you. [00:15:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree with that. And then I would say, probably His Word. I remember when I was young and I used to ask. I literally put a Facebook post up one time of, how do people that are Christians, how do you guys hear God? And I remember a bunch of people just commented under it, Read His Word. Read His Word. That's how he speaks to us. And I'm thinking, no, like, I need. I want some lightning bolt out of the sky, or I want God to put on some show for me. And it's crazy, because as soon as you start reading His Word, he literally, quite literally speaks to you. Yeah, absolutely. And I always used to think it sounded like such a cliche, and it's not. And it's unbelievable. Once you experience it, it is unbelievable. Yeah. So. And then. Okay, you want to move on to the next question? [00:16:37] Speaker A: Let's do it. [00:16:38] Speaker B: Okay. What would you tell somebody who wants to know why they should believe in God? Which is actually. That kind of goes along with what we were talking. [00:16:47] Speaker A: It really does. So I think you can't tell somebody just to believe in God. Again, like, that's such a personal relationship, and that's what God wants. He. He wants a relationship with you. So I would just suggest that that person do exactly what I just said and just seek God. And, you know, he says in the Bible that if you seek him with all your heart, you will find Him. Jamie, Just kidding. We don't have a Jamie, so I can't have anybody pull up which verse that is right now. But it's true. He wants. He wants to be sought. And as soon as you open that door, as soon as you knock on that door, he will answer and he will begin transforming your heart and renewing your mind. And I. Yeah, I think that's so important. What was the question again? I think so, like, where'd we start with this? [00:17:47] Speaker B: Yeah. What would you want to tell somebody who wants to know why they should believe in God? [00:17:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:54] Speaker B: Just kind of going off what you're saying. I think it's because they truly don't realize yet that everything changes with God. [00:17:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:00] Speaker B: Nothing of your life will be the same anymore. But I would say only ask when you're ready because once you ask, God is gonna show you what's up. [00:18:10] Speaker A: Get ready to have your world shaken. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Because every step you take when you're not walking in the flesh as much, every step you take, you start to question everything when you're not living for the world as much. Yeah, it turns your world upside down for sure. And it's kind of scary when you've lived so many years in the flesh because it's completely unorthodox to what human nature is to live for God and to live what Jesus asked us to live and how he asked us to live. So, yeah, I agree with everything you said. Okay, next question. When does your faith strengthen? [00:19:00] Speaker A: That's so good. I know we've kind of talked about it, but the Word, like the Word is a living double edged sword. It is powerful and it's incredible how you can read something so many times and then depending on the season you're going through, God will bring you back to that scripture and it will speak to you in a way that it never did before in every season of your life. His Word transforms you. And it's so powerful that way. I think also a church body is so critical. I've heard so many people say things like, well, I find church out in nature or I find church at the gym. And I used to be one of those people, right? I'm like, yeah, I find. I find church where I'm at. No, you don't. No, you don't. The church is where we get taught. It's where we enmesh ourselves in the body of Christ. It's where we can be humiliate, you know, have humility with each other, lift each other up, keep us accountable to the Word, but mostly to learn and be exposed to the Word. And that's not something you're not getting a sermon, just walking around at the gym. I mean, you might. You might be listening to a sermon and podcast, but it's not the same. It's not the body of Christ. It's not where three or more are gathered. It's not the presence of God in a place. So I think that's an important thing to differentiate for people, that you can pursue God in all your free time. Right. You can listen to the podcast and read the books and do all the things and praise, to worship music. And that doesn't go unnoticed or unhonored by God. But it's not church. They're different. And that is pivotal to have another critical piece. And I know this is something that's been speaking to you and I the last couple weeks is your circle, right? Like, you are who you surround yourself with. And the verse that kept coming up to you and I is iron sharpens iron. [00:21:06] Speaker B: It literally haunted me for weeks. I kept. I was listening to the. I listened to Christian Satellite Radio, which is how I say that I do my church right now. Because I've been bad about getting up on Sundays, if we're being transparent. And literally it's been haun me. It's like out of Calvary Chapel in Meridian, Idaho. And I forget the pastor's name, but his sermon on that I probably have heard like nine times in the last two weeks. And I'm like, okay, God, I get it. You want me to hear that? And then you had ended up making an Instagram post for our podcast page, and you would put both of the things that he'd focused on in that sermon. And I texted you, and I was just like, okay, yeah, we were meant to share that or use that or whatever needed to be. [00:21:52] Speaker A: And God just suddenly put that verse in my heart. And that's so like God to not only use the people around you to speak to you, but to relentlessly pursue you like that. Yeah. [00:22:03] Speaker B: And that's kind of what I'm talking about when I say, if you ask, be ready. Yeah, because. And I always find that interesting when people say too. I've heard in my younger life, people say, well, God doesn't pursue you. You have to pursue him. And I completely disagree. I don't know how you feel about it, but I literally would not be a Christian today if God didn't pursue. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Me as somebody that God left the 99 for. I am the one that he left the 99 for. I can say with all my heart that he Pursues like no one else can. [00:22:34] Speaker B: I totally agree. So if you've ever heard that, I believe that is a misconception or maybe an older way of thinking or something. But, yeah, I think it's just really important to remember that he does and he will. [00:22:47] Speaker A: I love on that same idea of iron sharpens iron. And then you saying, like, get ready. Your world will be rocked. Right? Like, get ready for changes. You can't ignore it when you're walking with the Lord and you make that choice to surrender your life to him, like, he will call you out. You still have free will. You can still do what you want, you can still walk in sin, but he will not stop speaking to you. I know that's something specifically with the friendship in the past. I had a dear friend to me for years. I knew that I had to let go of this friend. I knew it. That was constantly put on my heart. And I was constantly reading scripture about exactly why I couldn't have this person near and dear to me. But I loved this friend. It was the person I considered my truest, oldest, best friend. And so I grieved the loss of that before I even cut ties with that relationship. I. I was brokenhearted at the thought that I couldn't just shine enough light into that relationship to bring it up to par with what I needed for my spiritual journey. And God will use those things. I don't know how. Right. We see in part, we have our plans, and we just don't understand the big picture the way God does. And I don't know if our friendship breakup changed her trajectory. You know, maybe she's closer to the Lord now, whatever it is that's between her and God. But the important part is that when you feel those nudges, you have to listen. It's. It's inevitable. Whether you push it off for years, um, like, it's gonna happen. [00:24:34] Speaker B: God's will is God's will. [00:24:35] Speaker A: It's God's will. Like, and. And he wants the best for us. He wants us to prosper and to be joyful and to succeed in every way. So he's not going to just sit by and not give you gentle nudges of, hey, this does not align with my word. This is not what you can keep doing if you want to elevate in our relationship. Because what you do is you. You. You limit yourself, right? Like, you plateau at that point in your spiritual journey because you're unwilling to let go of whatever tie is horribly holding you there. Which, yeah, we all do it over and over. Even at this level, I feel like every time you level up, there's a new tie that you're like, oh, and they're painful. Whether that's a TV show you love to watch and you're like, oh, this is. This is bad. It's not good for me. Whether it's, you know, books, whatever it is. [00:25:31] Speaker B: I was going to say this much, like. [00:25:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, there's these things that just pull you away from his goodness and his will for your life. [00:25:41] Speaker B: Yep. And the more the world deems it acceptable, it's hard to fight even. You know, it's like, well, I know the Bible and God says that it's not, but the world's telling me it is. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:53] Speaker B: So it's like this constant tug of war, and you really have to. You have to know where you stand and you have to learn where you stand. [00:25:59] Speaker A: You do. And then back to the people you surround yourself with. You have to have those friends that are going to hold you accountable, call you out with love and grace and steer you back onto that straight and narrow path. [00:26:11] Speaker B: Yep. Like that little audio. It's like, yeah. Have friends that'll pray for you when they can't pray. You know, have all. Like, that spoke to me so much because that was such a funky day that we had had to preference. We were doing our photo shoot for the podcast and. Yeah. And we just, we. The energy was a little bit off and we just had to. Or I had to remind Vanessa, usually she's the one that's bringing all the Jesus to the table. And I actually had to remind her, hey, this is an attack from the enemy. [00:26:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:42] Speaker B: This is why we're in a funk. And she took a little water break and she came back and it was smooth sailing. But we had to remind, you know, each other. And that's the times when I'm talking about the iron sharpens, iron, keeping each other accountable, saying, hey, this isn't. This isn't about how your hair looks or how your makeup looks or what your outfit looks like. This is about our mission for sharing Christ. [00:27:02] Speaker A: This is spiritual warfare. [00:27:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:05] Speaker B: It's bigger than both of us. It's bigger than this photo shoot. This photo shoot is just a way that we can get God's word out. [00:27:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:12] Speaker B: You know, and in reminding each other of that and. And, yeah. Not letting vanity get in the way, especially as women. Right. [00:27:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:21] Speaker B: Of how we look or how we sound or if our pants are too tight or if we have a muffin top in that outfit, like, who Cares. [00:27:28] Speaker A: What's that saying? Like, comparison is the thief of joy. Absolutely. Oh, so good. Yeah. [00:27:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Just reminding each other that we, you know, we're seen and we're held and that we're good. Right? [00:27:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:40] Speaker B: That's why it's so important in. Why, like, we're so blessed and so lucky to have each other. [00:27:44] Speaker A: So blessed. [00:27:45] Speaker B: It's such a. Our friendship is truly so divine and God given. [00:27:51] Speaker A: It's literally prayer. [00:27:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:53] Speaker A: It's leaving that season of the friendships that I had to let go of and thinking, like, now I'm so lonely. I don't have any friends. Like, God, please bring me these people that you've promised, you know, and then, bam, there you are. My mean, my whole wedding party is such a beautiful example of that, of how intentional God was to surround me with the most incredible women and all of which I know will call me out. Like, you. You were there to support my marriage. The covenant I made with God. Like, you would call me out in a heartbeat if I were doing anything to disrespect that vow that I made to my husband, who I became one with in God. Like, each of you I know makes me a better woman, and that's exactly the people I want in my life. [00:28:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And I feel like that was really intentional of you to do that, because I feel like you didn't necessarily pick the people that you had known the longest. You picked the people that you knew were going to uphold your commitment to your husband and your faith. [00:28:57] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:28:58] Speaker B: Yeah. It's huge. [00:28:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:00] Speaker B: I don't think I know anyone else that's ever done that. [00:29:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:03] Speaker B: So props to you for that. [00:29:05] Speaker A: Means everything to me. [00:29:06] Speaker B: Y. Anything else you want to cover with that question? [00:29:08] Speaker A: I mean, covered, like, 14 topics under that umbrella. [00:29:13] Speaker B: There's a lot to unload on this episode. Okay. Okay. So this is a really good one, I think, for the last two years that you've had. When does your faith get tested? Because we have talked about this with the subject of grief. [00:29:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:30] Speaker B: And your faith totally being shaken. [00:29:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:33] Speaker B: By that. Not too long ago. [00:29:35] Speaker A: So immediate answer is daily. [00:29:38] Speaker B: Yep. [00:29:38] Speaker A: And I think as Christians, we have to be real about that. That faith is hard. The faith of a mustard seed can move mountains. So showing up, you know, to church or a group, a Bible study and not being vulnerable. Right. If just pretending like you're. You've just got it all going on in your relationship with Jesus, it's not realistic. We falter, Matt and I, My husband pray together every night, and a recurrent prayer is God increase our faith and help our unbelief. Because it's hard. The world pulls us in a million different directions and horrible things happen every day. Matt and I both have difficult occupations. We see a lot. We see a lot of death, we see a lot of grief. We see a lot of things that are hard to rationalize. And I know that's kind of a point with a lot of people within Christianity. They. They try to enmeshing the idea of suffering with this almighty God who wants nothing but the best. And that's a whole nother thing that we're going to have to do a whole episode on. [00:30:50] Speaker B: Literally, you could do an episode on that 100%. [00:30:53] Speaker A: But yeah, for those who know me and those who don't, I lost my dad just not that many months ago. Two weeks before my baby was born. And he was my person. He's always been my person. And he was an example of the meek that Jesus talks about. Like he had the most beautiful heart for people. He was magnanimous, altruistic. Like he just was giving and selfless and not a mean shred in his body. And I'm so honored to be his daughter. But that being said, losing him and seeing a man who was nothing but wonderful, not to deify him because he was still human. Right? Like he. He said he did his things, I'm. [00:31:50] Speaker B: Sure, but he's your daddy. [00:31:52] Speaker A: But he's my dad and an incredible man. Anybody that knew him was like, we're better for knowing this man. Right? Like, he's just. He's like my husband. He's a unicorn of a man. And so losing him, not only losing him, but watching him suffer his whole life. Right? Just get the short end of the stick, literally from birth, just being born, almost dying prematurely, weighing three pounds, to having type 1 diabetes and living life with this disease and a slew of comorbidities that went with it, heart attacks, you know. Oh, my gosh. Long list of comorbidities that just made his life painful and limiting in a physical way. And he still took it with such grace and exuded such love and grace for everyone around him. And so to see that and watch him die, especially in the season that I was in, you know, didn't get to meet his granddaughter and. [00:32:57] Speaker B: Yeah, sorry, you were already nine months pregnant, correct? Yeah, yeah. [00:33:01] Speaker A: It was literally two weeks before I had my daughter. So I was curled up in his hospital bed with him in the CICU for five days, being nine months pregnant until he passed away. And I'm so grateful for those days, but they'll haunt me for the rest of my life. Right. Grief changes you. Grief changes you. [00:33:25] Speaker B: And it's not. Death isn't like in the movies. It's. Well, for some people, it's really drawn out. Like your dad, he died over a lifetime. [00:33:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:35] Speaker B: That's, you know, that's what his deal was. And you had to witness that from a little girl all the way in. Like, it was a day that you'd always probably thought of, but then when it's on your doorstep, it's just like, wow, okay. I thought that I could handle this when it came, and I can't. Because it's not normal to lose your parents. [00:33:53] Speaker A: And there's. There's interesting data that surrounds that complicated grief. Right. When we see people with chronic disease slowly deteriorate, it's a lot harder, often psychologically, to cope with and to recover from than a sudden death or something. Yeah, it's really, really. And we call that complicated grief. So that being said, it. It completely rocked my faith. [00:34:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:20] Speaker A: It rocked me to an epistemological foundation. Like, I. Yeah, I questioned everything. I remember going home and, like, it was all just surreal. Right. I hadn't slept in pretty much five days, and I just went back on my back patio, and I just cried out to God and just screamed at him. I'm like, you need to make yourself real to me again. I know you. You've done a lot of things for me in my life, but right now, how could I believe that you think it's better to take him from me? You know, because we can. We see, in part. And I like to think that my plans are way better than God's. So I'm like, what are you. What are you doing here? My plan's good. My plan was to have him meet his granddaughter and to do this and that and my way. I'm like, I. You know, please, I need to know. I need to know heaven is real. I need to know you're real. I need to know he's okay. I need to know that he was saved. You know, I know he was saved. I need to know that. I know he was saved. And I need to know I'm gonna see him again someday on that judgment day that I'm gonna get to see my daddy again. And I just cried out to him, and I'm like, I need this from you. And like the good God he is, he gave that to me. He gave me peace beyond understanding. He gave me joy. Even in the middle of the storm. He Gave me the ability to be a light to other people. In that darkness, say, I feel your pain. I know that dark place that you're in. But there's hope and there's light in Jesus. And I know that with all my heart. That's not like I really want to believe in this. So I'm gonna put my eggs in that basket. That's a relational God who has shown up for me time and time again and made himself real to me and who loves me even though I've done a lot of things to be unworthy of that. He loves me. [00:36:43] Speaker B: Yep. I feel like that's a great example of faith being shaken. Yeah. Loss. I don't know. I don't know that it gets worse than lost for. For shaken faith, honestly. That's a top tier one that I know a lot of people that know I believe will come to me and ask, Tara, well, how can you, you know, why would God put us through this? If he loves us and he's sovereign and all these things that the Bible says he is, why does he make us suffer like we do? And that's a. That's a great one. Is for shaken faith. [00:37:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:24] Speaker B: So, yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I know that was hard. [00:37:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:27] Speaker B: But it's beautiful. [00:37:29] Speaker A: It really is. And my dad's been called the kingdom work. He suffered for so long. And, you know, I have. I have that confidence, I have that peace and that faith in what my dad's been called to do and so many other souls that were taken far too soon that are called to a way greater purpose. [00:37:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree. Okay. This is another good segue. One you don't figure. So what are some moments where God has shown himself to you? Whether it be in that process or just anything that you've gone through that you think would be beneficial for people to know. [00:38:09] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, I feel like I could write a book on this one, honestly. What's that guy's name from Sunny in Philadelphia? Like Daniel Day. [00:38:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:18] Speaker A: Have you seen that meme where he's, like, at the cork board and he's got all the strings, like. Yeah, I feel like that's me. [00:38:23] Speaker B: A lot of times I haven't actually seen that show, but I've seen, like, the real meme and the memes. [00:38:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's me, like, trying to explain, like, all the things Jesus has done in my life and where he's shown up. My coming back to Christ story of opening up the Bible to Proverbs 17:22. When I was broken, a great Example. Another example back in. I think this was 2018. I'm gonna have to share a picture now as part of this testimony. But I was still in that single mom era, living paycheck to paycheck at the time. I had begun my journey back to God. And so, if anything, life was harder at that point, right? Like, I was being isolated by friends whose morality and everything didn't align with what I was going for. It was distancing myself, trying to create new habits, just being transformed and renewed like he promises. And it was painful. It was a really painful pruning. And I had this little 3 Series BMW coupe at the time. And it was winter. It was like, maybe a week before Christmas. And Chevy, my daughter and I got all bundled up, and we were going to drive into town to get some, like, crafts to make people stuff for Christmas, right? Because fallen on a budget and still wanting to spoil people, but trying to do the best with what I had, which was nothing at this point in my life. And so we're cruising down the freeway, and all of a sudden they just get, like, all the lights on my dash and my BMW and my car completely shuts off, right? And I'm like, oh, my God, it's steaming. Like, okay, well, you said a BMW, right? So we just know automatically it's really expensive to fix, too. And I'm just like, oh, Lord, help me. Like, what is happening right now? I can't. No, no, no, no, no. Like, I can't afford this. I can't deal with this right now. And so I pull off the Eagle exit, and I'm on the side. It's like a blizzard outside, right? It's just this sleet. It's like a frozen rain just coming down. My car's not on, so it's getting cold really quickly. And I'm just like, oh, my gosh, what do I do? My mom and stepdad lived in South Dakota at the time. My name, Nana and Papa, they travel every winter because why not? They're retired. My dad was really sick, obviously, at that point, and unable to drive. So I'm just sitting there like, who can I even call? What do I do here? So this truck pulls up behind me, and this guy comes running up to my window, and he's like, hey, can I help you? And I'm like, because my pride is currently an issue. I'm like, no, no, no, I've got this. We're good. And he's like, okay, well, you're in a little car. And I'm just Gonna stay behind you. I'm gonna keep my truck behind you with my hazards on. And that way, like, it's more visibility, people don't see you and hit you in this condition. I'm like, oh, my gosh, thank you. So I'm sitting there panicking in my car, and blessedly, Chevy was just sleeping in the back seat. And again, I had her really bundled up, but it's starting to get cold. I don't know what to do. And so I'm calling, like, friends at this point, like, waiting to hear back from people. And so I go back to this guy, which just seems so sketchy, but I was like, hey, can we sit in your truck? It's getting really cold. Like, thank you so much for doing this. We're sitting in his truck, and I ended up getting a call back from a person while I was sitting in there, and they were unable to help. I'm like, sorry, I'm tied up for a while. Like, can't help you. And so I'm like, okay. And this guy could just see, like, I was on the verge of tears, right? I don't know what to do. And he's like, hey, I actually am the co owner of Hawkins Auto Sales. Like, I own this car dealership. I know this probably seems really sketchy, but, like, can I take you over to the auto shop and I'll just have our guys tow your car over here and we'll evaluate it for you? And I was like, oh, my gosh. I'm in no position to say no, right? Like, my pride is hurt a little. I'm like, I'm embarrassed that I need to rely on this stranger's kindness and. [00:42:56] Speaker B: Also hoping that he won't kidnap you, right? [00:42:58] Speaker A: That, like, turn on location share with everyone. And so I'm sitting in the backseat with my daughter, and he drives. It's only, like, 10 minutes away from where my car broke down. So we get there, and during that drive to the auto shop, he tells me that his son, who he has a rocky relationship with, drives the same exact car. And he was actually going the opposite way on the freeway, saw my car, and something told him to pull over and help me. So he flipped around, went the opposite way, you know, got off at the next exit, flipped around, came and stopped because of that. And I'm thinking like, oh, my gosh, that's crazy, right? That's just where I was getting started. So we get down to the place I ended up not having my driver's license. I don't know if I lost it or what? But he let me borrow a car with nothing but my name and phone number. Really? Like, this guy just sent me with a car, and at this point in my life, it was like a 2016 Chevy Equinox. And I'm like, this is the nicest, newest car I've ever had. So I'm driving away from this place, like, what just happened? Right? Like, I'm crying and I'm praising God, and I'm like, thank you, Jesus. Like, what in the world? Thank you for this situation and for getting me home safely. I've got another day to figure this out. So this guy calls me the next day and he's like, hey, how you doing? How's the car treating you? Blah, blah, blah. Like, it's going great. And he kind of like, puts out a feeler, like, would you want to buy it? And I'm like, I cannot. I don't even know how I'm paying my bills this month. Like, I can't. Like, I'm not in a position for this car. And he goes, okay, well, here's the situation with your BMW. Pretty much it was just gonna cost. It wasn't completely totaled, right? But it was gonna cost so much for this BMW to fix it. And it was older. It's not like I was driving some brand new BMW, like, M Series, right? Like, it was the little three series scoop. So, you know, he's like, this is the situation, but I'll actually trade it in towards this car for you for more than it's worth. Like, Kelly blue book value of this BMW would have been like. Like, say it was five grand. I don't remember. And this guy doesn't know you from anyone know me. [00:45:29] Speaker B: Like, he has no reason to care. [00:45:30] Speaker A: Just like a pitiful single mom who broke down in the storm and who God put on his heart to come help. So I'm like, what? Like, my car's worth this if it were in perfect condition, which it's not, right? Like, my dogs have scratched up the leather seats, I'm sure, and it's broken. And he's offering me more than it's worth to trade in on this vehicle, which he has significantly marked down for me. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Okay. So all of a sudden I'm in this brand new car, right? It wasn't brand new, but it was new to me, and it was so nice and safe. And it was a. Is a suv, right? Like, it's a Equinox crossover. Nowhere to differentiate that. It's a big car, especially compared to my little coupe. So anyway, all these crazy things are just like snowballing together for this situation to happen. Less than two weeks later, before I could even make my first car payment on this car, I get t boned by a 90s Ford pickup truck. A Ford F250 doing 50 miles per hour. And they don't build them like they used to. This is a Ford 90s truck. It. [00:46:45] Speaker B: It's a brick. [00:46:46] Speaker A: Demolished my car. It broke two wheels off. My engine dropped. It shifted the entire frame of this car over 18 inches to the point. Point that when the insurance adjuster called me, he said, I really wish I was with you so I could shake your hand because it's so rare that I assess a car like this and the driver is alive. [00:47:10] Speaker B: You're kidding me. [00:47:11] Speaker A: I didn't even have whiplash. [00:47:13] Speaker B: Wow. [00:47:14] Speaker A: The inside, like, again, I'll have to share on our page this testimony because you see the picture of the outside of my car and then I have a picture of the inside and you can see like, you know, the hood missing and like it crumbled up on the outside. My airbag didn't even deploy. Like, God wrapped his hands around me and this whole situation. Again, I'm Daniel Day with like these strings. But that's God. He moves mountains for us. And, you know, he uses every situation to our good. So me breaking down, being penniless, being in this moment of me, like he still did so much to protect me. And again, I don't deserve to be here more than somebody else who lost their life in a tragic car accident. We've lost friends in car accidents. I don't deserve it. I have done nothing to earn that. But God has a will for me. He has a plan for my life. And it probably honestly means that we're like the C students and he takes the elite first. And we still need to like, figure some things out, which is accurate. That's fine. But I am here and it's by the grace of God. That was like a 10 minute rant. [00:48:34] Speaker B: No. It's so good though. [00:48:35] Speaker A: My life, though. I say, do I want to share my age? 27 forever. I have a 31 year long testimony. You get that 2020 hindsight. And I can see God's hands and his fingerprints all over my life. If I wasn't meant to be here, I wouldn't be here. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Y. Yeah. It's kind of weird to be at the age where you do finally have hindsight too. I really experienced that. I would say I think at like 29, I started experiencing that. And yes, I'll be 31 next month. Slay. But, yeah, it's crazy when you start to see, like, how God has worked in all the. Almost like a game of chess, right? [00:49:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:16] Speaker B: Yeah. And all the moves that have been. [00:49:18] Speaker A: Made to shape you into exactly who you're meant to be. [00:49:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know exactly what part of the Bible it is because I'm not a preacher, but there's this part in the Bible where they. Whoever's speaking, maybe. Oh, it's James. Yep. That's. No, it's not James. I messed this up the other day on the Instagram. It's Peter. [00:49:41] Speaker A: Okay. [00:49:41] Speaker B: So when Peter's writing his letter, I don't know which section it is, but he talks about. And this is where I feel like you were with the car story. Is being grateful in the midst of suffering, because with suffering, it brings you in a closer relationship with Jesus, right? [00:49:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:58] Speaker B: Like, when you're in those valleys is when you really meet him and see him and seek him. Yeah. And, you know, and then you'll climb back up the mountain and you go back down. And that's just how life is. It ebbs and flows, but just yet being grateful for suffering, and that's something that is once again, so unorthodox for the normal human to want to do because we want to run from it. It's scary, it's uncomfortable, it sucks. Suffering is just the worst. And when you really sit with it and feel it and take it for what it is and let it transform you instead of acting like the victim, your whole life and your perspective will completely change. [00:50:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:36] Speaker B: So that's something that I want to ask viewers to focus on is if right now, if you're in the Vanessa BMW situation or the losing loved ones or wherever you might be, instead of asking, why me? Just really focus on trying to be grateful for what you are going through, knowing that it's going to lead you to a better place and a closer relationship with God and with Jesus and that all things are being worked for your good and not to harm you. Right. And it's so hard to remember when you're in the moment. [00:51:13] Speaker A: Right. [00:51:13] Speaker B: It's. It's something that, like hindsight, like, you'll have to look back on, but just trying to redirect your mind and go, you know what? I have to be grateful for the suffering. I do. We're called to be grateful for the suffering. [00:51:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:25] Speaker B: Literally, it's a call. [00:51:26] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. And I think Paul says in second Corinthians, and of course we're gonna need to like, give out prizes to our audience that can, like, identify. [00:51:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:36] Speaker A: We're not our vague references here, but I know it's 2 Corinthians. And Paul talks about God being made strong in his weakness. So he will, he will boast in his infirmities. He will be proud of his weakness because that's when God makes him stronger. And that's. I mean, that's been proven true time and time again in my life. It's when I surrender. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. God, I'm weak and broken. I'm lost. And God takes over. [00:52:07] Speaker B: Yep. And carries. [00:52:08] Speaker A: Carries. [00:52:09] Speaker B: That is one thing that is always so true, is once you do have a stronger relationship with Jesus and you have that trust that he will carry you. Because it's not like that in the beginning. Because you still have that human part of your mind that wants to know, I need to figure this out and I need to be strong. And we live in a world of empowerment. Be strong. Be you. You know, it's like this self glorification. And once you lay down and you say, you know what, God, actually I can't carry this. [00:52:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:37] Speaker B: And you just put all your humility on the table. He will carry you every single time. [00:52:42] Speaker A: So good. [00:52:42] Speaker B: And I guarantee you that there is no doubt in my mind. And I, like you, have witnessed it probably thousands of times in my life. And I'm only 31. Like, yeah, we're still just little spring chickens and how much that we've already walked through. Yeah. So, yeah, just good reminder. It is really good reminder. What are some steps that have helped you change your life? Some things that you've implemented that have helped you get to where you are now? [00:53:14] Speaker A: I don't want to sound like a broken record, but because they've all been painful, it's always easy. Again with the science site and to say this easy five step program like surround yourself with better people. That alone, that's difficult. Not only to cut out people that you love and that you have soul ties with or that you have memories with or whatever it is, family members, sometimes, like, that's very painful and that can take a lot of time. But then once you get that, there's often a season of wilderness there where you're lonely, where you don't have the right people and that can. Maybe the right people are brought to you on day one or one person, or maybe it takes a couple years to Find the right people, whatever that looks like that is pivotal of having the right people, of being around people you want to be like, surrounding yourself with people that you want to be like in your own life. So that was huge for me, prioritizing the word of God. And I'm horrible at this. Right. There's this book, the Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by Mark Comer. I feel like I'm missing part of his name. Anyway, he's a pastor. [00:54:34] Speaker B: We can share it on the Instagram story, too. [00:54:36] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a. It's a great resource, but it's. This book was written for me because just perfectly identifies in our culture today how we are willing to give time and attention to literally anything but prayer and the Word of God. Prayer and time with God, meeting with him. And it makes sense that that would be the enemy's favorite tool, Right. If Satan can keep us distracted, can keep us rushing from thing to thing to thing, then by the time we get to a moment where we want to sit down with God, we're so, I want to say, institutionalized. We're so trained to have that constant go, go, go stimulation. Then we're just going to open Instagram back up for a quick hit of dopamine, because we can't just rest in his presence. And that is, I think, one of the biggest ways that Satan robs us and attacks our faith in our culture today is busyness and distraction. So that would be the biggest thing, is making time for the Word and time for prayer. Meditation. That if it's five minutes a day, only five minutes, make that five minutes. And whether that's praying out loud in your closet or in your head, or journaling, whatever that looks like to a person, that has to be made a priority. [00:56:06] Speaker B: Can I. Yeah, please do interject one thing that I like to do, because I'm often like that. Like, I will. I will do all the things, right? I will catch up on my Netflix series or I will doom scroll or whatever it may be. Or, like, I'm a victim of loving Tick Tock. And all of that always sounds more appealing than opening my devotional or opening my Bible app, right? Because it's like. So these are two things that I really like to do when I'm driving home from work. Don't drive home with the radio. Just sit in silence for as long as you can stand it and just say, God, I want you to put on my heart whatever you want to tell me. And you can pray during it, you can do whatever. But just, I think moments of Sitting in silence when you can. Especially like I'm a hairdresser, so my day is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, cha, cha, cha. Empty, you know, just fill the empty space. Your job, or not necessarily your job, but your life is full of children. Right. And constant distraction and being pulled in multiple different directions. So anytime that you can just have that moment of silence and say, hey, God, like, I'm going to speak to you, Please speak to me back. And. And let's just spend time together. Right. Like how me and Vanessa are sitting here together. You can sit with God. [00:57:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:19] Speaker B: Like that. Whenever you want. [00:57:21] Speaker A: Right. [00:57:21] Speaker B: And he will sit with you across the table and he will literally have a real relationship with you absolutely no matter where you're at. And that's. I say that whether you are a believer right now or not. Right. So, yeah. Just wanted to throw that in there. That it doesn't have to be some big scheduled event. [00:57:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:57:39] Speaker B: It can be something very, very simple. [00:57:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:42] Speaker B: Yep. [00:57:42] Speaker A: I love that. [00:57:44] Speaker B: Any more thoughts on. On your steps, Anything else you want to add? [00:57:47] Speaker A: Get involved. [00:57:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:49] Speaker A: With your church. Whether that's getting in a group, young adults, a small group of women, of married couples, whatever is applicable to your life in this season. And then putting roots down, serving somehow, if you're greeting at the door, just doing something to be involved with the body of Christ. Because we all need each other and a lot of people are putting up fronts. Right. Like, a lot of people show up nice and polished on Sunday, but they need a friend, too. They need somebody in their corner that they can pull down the wall and have humility with and cry and say, I'm not doing good in this portion of my life. I'm, you know, whatever it is, I'm struggling with porn. I'm talking with a guy outside of my marriage. Whatever it is, like, we have to be there for each other and provide a safe space to build each other up and encourage each other and again, pull each other back onto the straight and narrow. Because the church is full of sinners. [00:58:55] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. That's literally what it's for. And I think as somebody that's been a Christian and a non Christian, I think that's a big. And one thing that I hear from people a lot, that's a huge turn off of people. You know, I feel like I can't go to church because everyone is so dressed up and, you know, all I have is this outfit or everyone seems so high and mighty and so squeaky clean. And it's no churches for the broken. [00:59:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:59:18] Speaker B: Okay. And something that I want to let people know too, is if you feel like you're not in the right church, like, don't be scared to keep looking. [00:59:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:59:28] Speaker B: One church is not all the churches. [00:59:29] Speaker A: Right, Right. [00:59:30] Speaker B: And don't be scared to see what's out there. People can always message us on the Instagram and we can try to steer them in the right direction. We've had a couple people actually reach out on the Instagram and say that they didn't feel like where they've been. Going to church feels like home. And I just really want to remind people that don't give up just because of that. Right. [00:59:51] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. [00:59:52] Speaker B: Keep searching and. And know that God will place you where you need to be placed. And it might not be on your time, it's on God's time. And that's okay. [01:00:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:00:00] Speaker B: To remind yourself of that. But yeah. Not to give up. [01:00:04] Speaker A: So. [01:00:04] Speaker B: Good. Okay, so this is going to be your last question for this episode. Thank you for letting us kind of dig into your brain and be vulnerable. We really appreciate it. Or I really appreciate it. I'm sure the viewers do too. But lastly, we're gonna say, how? Have the. How. Oh, God, now I can't talk. How do you change behaviors and habits for somebody that's kind of looking into walking closer one day at a time. [01:00:39] Speaker A: That'S all you can do. And having grace with yourself. Right. That some days you're gonna fall. I'm a huge fan of James Clear and Atomic Habits, and I love his ideology of a 1% change. Like, you're making these tiny little changes in your life, but they add up, they're significant. And if you're making that five minutes a day for God that is going to transform your world and giving yourself grace, that if you miss a day, it's okay, you're not a bad crap Christian. You're human. But to get back up and get back on it, not to just say I'm messed up. It's. It's not a, you know, it's not a diet you're falling off of. It's. This is a lifestyle. And it takes work. And it's worth it. It's worth every second of work. But you do have to put in the time. So not just not to get discouraged and give up. If anything, Satan will pursue you more. The closer you get to God, for sure, the bigger work you're doing for the kingdom, the harder you will be attacked. That's something that you and I have seen a lot. [01:01:53] Speaker B: Just this morning, we both experienced it this morning, getting here. [01:01:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And building up this last. You know, again, we touched on that. But the closer we've gotten to this episode, like, wow, spiritual warfare. So giving encouragement to people that it's not easy and it's not meant to be. God promises us persecution and tribulation in this life, and it's worth it. It feels. Honestly, it feels good in a weird way because it's almost affirmation that you're on the right path. Right. Depending on what kind of attack you're getting. But again, you need people in your corner. Like you did for me the other night. That was a perfect storm where I just wasn't feeling armored in the word of God. I was always busy rushing between work and I'm in school full time and mom and wife and heaven forbid I clean my house, like, all the things. And so I was distracted. I was running late, and I felt hectic and insecure. And those human emotions. And I say human, but those are of Satan. That's not just. That's not what God ever meant the human experience to be. Right. Like, that's Satan's influence on our identity and our reality is those feelings. So having somebody like you were for me in that moment to say, hey, you're being attacked, but it's okay. Like, you are who God says you are. You're here for a reason. You're in this moment. Be present. Do not let the enemy steal any of your joy. And that makes the world of difference, too, because if you're already in that, in that, you know the depths of that, in that dark pit, it's hard to pull yourself out sometimes. [01:03:39] Speaker B: Oh, for sure. Yeah. [01:03:40] Speaker A: You need. You need people. You need iron to sharpen your iron. [01:03:45] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I think this podcast is a great example of that. I don't know if either of us would have actually pulled the trigger and done it. [01:03:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:54] Speaker B: If we didn't have each other. [01:03:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:03:56] Speaker B: I mean, maybe eventually, maybe not, but. Yeah. Go back to that notion of. Yeah. Your circle and your community really does matter one thing, too. Just a little side note on that. It's interesting when you start to change your behaviors and your actions and stuff slowly, it actually, you can see changes in the people that you kind of used to sin with. They. They start to notice it in you, even if you don't bring it up. And their behaviors start to change too. So it's almost like that. Is it the butterfly effect? Is that what they call it? [01:04:28] Speaker A: Sure. [01:04:29] Speaker B: You know what I'm talking about. [01:04:30] Speaker A: And that can go either Direction. Either they're going to start matching that energy, as the kids say, or leveling up. You know, they'll start meeting you on that plane and you inspire them, and they want to be better, they want to do better, or they're going to start talking smack and you've changed, and I like the old Terra, and that's the enemy, and that's fine. You have to be willing to be pruned to let God cut away those things that are holding you back and keeping you from being the greatest version of ourselves that we're meant to be. [01:05:07] Speaker B: Absolutely. And living your truth, not walking in fear and reminding yourself every day of who God says he is and who God says we are. [01:05:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:05:19] Speaker B: And in laying our head down on our pillow at night and knowing who our dad in heaven is. Right. We know him and we know he's got us, and that's all we need. That's all we'll ever need. So, yeah, just reminding each other of that. Reminding our viewers of that that everyone is. Is safe and held and that Jesus, you know, has a place for everybody. [01:05:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:05:43] Speaker B: There's nobody that is outside of that, so. [01:05:46] Speaker A: Good. Amen. [01:05:47] Speaker B: Amen. Well, that's all the questions I have for you. [01:05:51] Speaker A: All right. [01:05:51] Speaker B: And, yeah, thank you again for being vulnerable and sharing your heart with us. And I'm excited to go on this journey with you. [01:05:59] Speaker A: I am, too. [01:05:59] Speaker B: It's a great first episode. You did it. Awesome. [01:06:01] Speaker A: All right. If you were a part of today's episode, we want to thank you for being on this journey with us. And we can't wait for our next episode with you. We're going to ask Teresa some questions. We've gotten a lot of good questions already, but if there's any more you want to send us, please DM us on Instagram, we are Born Again Baddies podcast. And if you have prayer requests, we want to get those as well. So just a reminder that you are loved, you are worthy, you are what God says you are. I hope that this episode encouraged you and gave you hope. We want to be in community with you. So please like and share this video. Please subscribe to us on YouTube and if you want to listen, listen to any streaming, streaming platforms, Spotify, Amazon Music, anything like that. So thank you so much for being here. Until next time.